Facebook Advertising, You’ve Just Gotta Get It Right
I see a lot of complaints on forums about how Facebook keep rejecting their adverts and how unfair it is. But if you look at it from Facebook’s point of view they’re right. Who want’s to see a load of shitty ads with poor copy. If you can’t spell or write good sentences with proper grammar then I wouldn’t want to see your crappy advert either.
As much as I see Facebook as the place where people that are short of several billion brain cells they still like to see properly constructed sentences and reasonably professional photographs. I’m also sure that Facebook want to reduce the number dating, Acai berry and slimming adverts that the poor suckers want to see.
So next time you write an ad copy take a few more minutes over it and you could actually save yourself from having to rewrite it.
p.s. While I’ve been writing this drivel my wife pointed me in the direction of a site that spotted an error in Facebook’s examples. It can be found here. I have just checked Facebook’s site and the error is still there.
TV Experts: They Know Little More Than The Man in The Street
I’ve been amazed in recent months at how many guests on TV news purport to know the answers to the economic crisis. Who’s to blame? Well we are really. We get outraged in our thousands when a couple of over paid dandies behave irresponsibly but say nothing about the drivel that comes from our news programmes.
Every day the news drags some half wit in front of the cameras and asks for their expert opinion on a subject that few really understand and these morons keep getting away with it. Mostly because the interviewers are just personalities with hardly any intelligence themselves.
There is an army saying, I think, which the Stereophonics used for an album title, “Just enough education to perform”. I think this covers the average news reader.
Perhaps television will soon cease to exist in it’s current form and I can stop ranting about the stupids that populate our television screens.
Meetings with Civil Servants. Please Kill me Now.
I was unfortunate enough to be in a meeting today with a room full of civil servants. These professional meeting dwellers just wind me up something chronic. They all tend to be experts on other peoples subjects.
For instance there was a real professional meeting dweller who’s area is Training and all he seemed to go on about was safety. The health and safety guy was actually very pragmatic and looked quite rightly in my opinion a bit pissed off.
There was the procedures chap who seemed to forget his area of expertise and go on about training. He didn’t appear to be very bright and at one point agreed to do something beyond his authority. There was even a slightly heated argument between the civil servants over whether he should do some work. (That’s right you heard it here first, a civil servant doing some work. I thought they employed consultants to do that. (Clears throat and spits))
All that civil servants appear to want to do is put barriers up or cover their backs. It’ no wonder that when the words Government, Database and National are put together you’re talking about wasting vast sums of money and a computer project that’s doomed to failure.
Come the revolution I’m gonna abolish civil servant’s pension schemes. Just to piss them off. That’s payback for having to endure the tedium of sharing a room with them for too many hours.
Credit Crunch, Credit Crisis. Call It What You Like, I have No Sympathy
Since this credit problem first emerged, the news channels have lined up a succession of people who have been affected. There bottom lip trembles as they explain that they invested there life savings in some bank or insurance company and that the company is now in deep trouble.
Then there are others that demand that their government guarantee their savings, all 100%. All at the tax payers expense. I have very little savings but if I had the sums these morons are talking about, the last place I’d put all of my money is in one single bank. If you have this kind of money you should take the time to think carefully where it should be deposited.
There is a proverb that I am sure most these idiots are aware of. Perhaps they may be better served by heeding the main thrust of it. It’s quite simple really “DON’T PUT ALL YOUR EGGS IN ONE BASKET”
I know some of you well ranting and raving at me by now and there are exceptions to what I am spouting. There will be occasions where you have just sold your house and you want the reassurance that this is not going to end up paying for the default of toxic loans or some useless bankers golden handshake. Well I agree and this should be guaranteed but only for a short period of time.
But the main point I’m making here is, if you have a lot of money then GET EDUCATED it’s your money so look after. I don’t see why I should help you keep it.
Why Google is so popular outside of the US
Yahoo looks and feels American, it’s flashy and loud, Live is obviously American it has a Windows logo and it uses colours. Whereas Google is plain and simple, it does what it says it searches for things it’s not trying to sell to you, it looks like it will produce what you want.
These are the initial reactions to these search engines. I can’t really speak for the rest of Europe but for the British we are a dull nation just look at our churches and cathedrals we’ve stripped them of ornamentation, they rarely have any paint and they certainly have very little gold after Henry VIII acquired it all. So we’ve got used to the un-ornamented and any kind of colour seems a bit flashy.
Google’s ads even look like they are just an enhanced part of the search results. Live’s results were slow in loading and it looks cluttered and they also look as if they copied Google but just haven’t pulled it off.
Yahoo’s search is a direct copy of Google but with a bit of colour, I have to admit I quite like Yahoo’s results page and it is definitely the opening page that lets it down.
Microsoft’s offer for Yahoo is just plain silly 2/3rds more than it’s market value and it’s still American. They would be better off buying local search engines and providing good search results than wasting their money on a company that has too many problems to solve.
So the real reason why Google is so popular is that it doesn’t look American it provides the results and there is no reason to change from it. Yet!
10 Reasons Why I Hate The BBC News
More and more often I find myself shouting at the telly, in the past it used to be about the atrocities carried out by my caring government but now it is being taken over by the sheer poor quality of TV news.
I’ve never expected great things from ITV or SKY but I always hoped that the BBC would keep up high standards but no they have become sloppier with their reporting and poor in their editorial.
Here are 10 reasons why I hate BBC News (no particular order)
1. Why has it become so American centric.
My wife particularly likes to complain about this one, stating that there are more important things going on in Europe and the UK that should take a higher priority in our news. I agree that as the US is one of our biggest trading partners and if they sneeze we catch a cold we should be covering the big financial and political stories. But I couldn’t care less if the latest bit of trailer trash is being arrested for being trailer trash or that she’s had her hair cut.
I also am not that bothered about democratic nomination for the US presidential elections, I don’t have to worry about the Republican nomination because the BBC doesn’t think it’s worth covering. (see left wing bias)
2. Left wing bias
Now, I am probably more left wing than most, especially compared to the Labour party, so you would think that I would welcome bias in this way. Well the truth is I just want news, not some middle class person’s ideas. I have a brain and I can make up my own mind I don’t need to be told how to think.
3. Family orientated
Every news bulletin has an item on how pregnant women are being let down by hospitals or how families are not claiming enough benefits.
4. Have a heart
Why does every disaster have to be accompanied by a heart rending story of some attractive but bedraggled woman that has lost everything and how the big bad state hasn’t done enough to help.
5. Pregnant women
Junior News reporter “I’m pregnant”
Editor “Oh congratulations, when is it due”
Junior Newsreporter “6 months”
Editor “That’s good we get you on the news presenter training course just in time for you to be showing a big bump and we’ll look like caring employers.
6. Speculation
Reporter “I’m standing in front of the hospital where Gordon Brown may or may not have had a bouncing baby boy, some say it may just be a routine check up or he could be donating a kidney to Africa, any minute now he will be appearing at those steps behind me or the ones around the back to possibly say that a deal has been done with the French over the rights to the baby’s kidney. It’s just too early to tell. Back to the studio”
Presenter “Thank you Simon we will of course be staying with this fascinating story because we understand the Prime Minister will be making a statement within the next hour. What do you think he will be saying”
Reporter “Well David it will almost certain he will not be commenting on the Prince’s behaviour but ……..”
7. Kangaroo court
If the person involve is foreign then he is guilty without any hesitation. The recent reporting on Societe Generale and Jerome Kerviel was typical of this they presented it in a way that said he was guilty before any investigation could be carried out. Why bother even sending these foreigners to court they’re obviously guilty because they are foreign.
8. The Oscars
Who cares about a bunch of over blown tarts and brainless muscle men who can’t act their way out of drama school. Why do they bother to cover a bunch of awards that are meaningless to the vast majority of people.
9. Global Warming
Yawn
10. Pronunciation and Grammar
I’m not talking about regional accents, I’m talking about the presenter or reporter saying ‘atel instead of Hotel or fin ance instead of fi nance.
Come on BBC it’s about time you produced some quality news programmes instead of these banal news magazine. Show that you can once again be seen to be fair and balanced in your reporting. I’m not saying you’re as bad as Fox news but you are getting there.
Why I’d sell my soul to be able to keep my car. The devil’s in the detail.
I had to travel from Taunton to Birmingham by train yesterday what a miserable experience that was. I was in the first class carriage thanks to the company. £165 for 5 hours travel, bloody hell I could have flown to Birmingham Alabama for less than that, not that I would want to. I never travel by train normally; I’m a bit of a control freak so I like to drive everywhere and can honestly say I have travelled on trains fewer than a dozen times. Why is it that train travel is so miserable?
Well for a starter, what is there that is good about it? you struggle to find a parking space and then you find that the meter doesn’t take credit cards or notes. You get some surly guy behind a plastic screen thinking what a piece of scum you are just because you wear a suit. I get this a lot, I once flew to Newcastle with my boss, he was worth a few million pounds at the time but he dressed a bit scruffily. Well I got third degree, a full search and I had to take off my shoes. This happened on the return journey as well, where as he just got just waved through. Perhaps I just have the face that says give me hard time.
Later on a bunch of rich waste of space fashion people were asking passengers to move seats because they wanted to stay together. I hate fashion people with a passion, they are not needed at all, they think that the world revolves around them and they dress badly. (Odd that, you would think if they were into fashion they would be able to work out what looks good, Nike trainers with a pink stripe is not a good look)
It turns out they wanted to upgrade, is this a usual thing with fashionistas, is planning a difficulty for them or did they get amongst the hoi polloi and think ‘oh look at their fashion sense jeans with a t-shirt! that’s so last year’. ‘Oh and she’s wearing black with a brown belt, what was she thinking!’
Any way the point of my journey was a traffic conference, I was hoping it was going to be a little bit techie so I could learn a little about an up and coming system used by Local Authorities but after a reasonable start to day it degenerated into presentations about buses and the environment. Good god it was supposed to be about using technology to improve traffic flow, monitoring and control, not pandering to Friends of the Earth and all the other fey buggers out there.
Why is it that these environmentalists care about preserving the Human race, if they had any love for the planet they’d let us all bugger it up so it can be left for nature to repair. They want to save every last animal from extinction. (I agree in the case of Orang-utans, even I have a soft spot) why? Animals have been going extinct ever since the first amoeba looked at its self and decided it needed a schism. If these sods were around a few million years ago they would be shouting about how we must save the dinosaurs from extinction. ‘Because they’re a unique species and we want to ensure that our children’s children can exploit them’
I digress I left the conference early for two reasons; I wanted to catch my train so I could get home before my wife forgot who I was and the other was it had got decidedly beardy.
Walking back to the station I got lost, instead of following my instinct I followed a sign that had been turned the wrong way. Eventually I got to station sweaty and breathless. Then the train was 10 minutes late, which I sort of expected and wouldn’t have minded but there was an engine chugging away on the opposite platform, well I like solvents* like the next man but there was little too much oil with the fumes emanating from it.
Then I got on the wrong end of the train and had to walk through the 2nd class carriages. Well they were packed with people standing, this was supposed to be a long distance train, they would have had to stand for about an hour until some seats became available Trains really are the pits I’ve been fairly lucky with my train travel so far I’ve mostly gone first class and haven’t been crammed in like cattle, they charge a bloody fortune for it £70 return and no guarantee of a seat. Ryanair would have been proud
I had to sit next to some bloody posh woman with that icon of the stupid, an I-phone, which she struggled to use frequently picking it up and saying hello, hello, eventually working out that pressing a button would make it go. Form over function, just like the Apple MacBook she had. I used to like Apples years ago but these days they are not about being better they are now just a fashion accessory for instance my wife got a black iPod just because it looked sleek not because of what it could do. I love gadgets but they should be about enabling you not enhancing you. That should piss a few technophiles off.
I hate train travel because you have to stand on cold and smelly station platforms for ages, you’re forced to endure other people for long periods of time, its not that I don’t get on with others. I am quite a friendly guy but some people are so full of there own self importance that they fail to notice how obnoxious they are. Well that’s my moan about train travel next time ‘Why I sold my wife’s soul so I don’t have to fly’ .
*Note to the gullible among you, I don’t actually like sniffing solvents; normally I have to inject it otherwise I come out in spots and my wife denies me sex for a week.
That’s all, happy grumbling
Unwanted Gay and Lesbian Ads (Or how to get your blog read)
No I’m not homophobic but this was a post on Google Groups and it stands out like a sore thumb. It made me want to read what this guy’s problem was with Gay and Lesbian Ads.
To save you leaving my blog in search of the above post, he has an electronics and computer site and he just wants relevant Adsense ads to appear on his site which is not unreasonable. (Link posted later on) So what does this have to do with getting your blog read? Well read on.
According to the advertising gurus it seems that a good headline will attract potential buyers. The headline must shout at the reader “README” I’m the most interesting in this newspaper. But that’s not the whole story with a headline.
The true purpose of the headline is to get you to read the subheadline. The subheadline is generally in larger type than the rest of the text and therefore easier to read, the purpose of the subheadline is to get you to read the text. The purpose of all adverts should be to get you to read and read and read, creating a kind of slippery slope.
Once on the slippery slope you are led as if by some unknown force to sign up to a 12 month subscription of Carpet Weavers International magazine. The idea is that each sentence leads you to read the next sentence and so on. The difference between advertising and blogging is that advertising doesn’t want to give anything away, well not until you have signed up.
So what must a blogger do to entice and keep readers?
• Have a great headline. One that catches attention
• Draw the reader in further with a strong subheadline.
• Each paragraph should lead the reader on to the next.
• Impart good sound information. (This departs from advertising)
• Be entertaining, add a little humour (Not humor, I am English after all)
• Provide the slippery slope to get the reader to sign up to your blog and want to come back for more.
Now if you are trying to sell something in your blog then you should read up some more on advertising methods there are some classic books out there but I came across this site blog.mindvalleylabs.com which has some great advice on marketing.
Some of the books you might look out for are Advertising Secrets of the Written Word by Joseph Sugarman and No B.S. Direct Marketing by Dan Kennedy.
If you are writing for fun then I suggest you have a look at tabloid newspapers some of the best journalists in the world write for tabloids and they know a thing or two about getting and keeping your attention. Don’t look at the broadsheets too many of these reporters are stroking there own egos with flowery language that says very little.
Link to Unwanted Gay and Lesbian Ads
I know I said in a previous post I would talk about where to get stuff to post on your blog but I thought I would leave that for next time.
Four Great Website names that are not what they seem.
I’ve just heard about these sites on the telly. You really do have to be careful when you register a domain name don’t you.
Recruitersexchange.com
Therapistfinder.com
Penisland.net
Whorepresents.com
Thanks to Stephen Fry and the BBC
(LIIVT… Swearing, Profanity or Cursing, it’s only words
Recently on John Cow they ran the title “Do yourself a favor don’t be a (unt“. Which obviously got them huge amounts of publicity and lost them a few friends, I guess. But what a publicity stunt, with the 5 minute attention span of the average person these days you’ve really got to be on your mettle to keep people interested. What better way of attracting new readers than to have a swear word that many regard as the worst of all. So why did it upset people? after all it’s only words.
Why is it so bad? Is it because it refers to the female genitalia? or is it offensive to women? As a feminist self publicist has claimed on the same post.
Maybe it’s because we were all told not swear or cuss when we were children with our mum saying things like ‘because it’s not very nice’ or it’s ‘rude’. Incidentally I think it has very little to do with it not being very nice, it’s more likely that your parents didn’t want to be embarrassed in public.
I suspect it has more to do with how harsh it sounds. The Ker sound at the beginning is similar to that of Cancer or Canker, Kill or Kaiser all these words have negative connotations.
I think it’s hilarious (sad) that we have wars in the name of religion, oil, money oh and more money and people can get so upset over such a little word. Perhaps if those that were upset by it, aimed some of their venom towards Presidents, Prime-ministers and other scum bags who claim to represent us and take us to war. Then they would have more of a case of trying to represent the moral core of our countries.
My view is these are only words and that they shouldn’t really upset readers but they do and if you want to make money from blogging or any other Internet site you’re gonna have to keep them to yourself and off the written page so to speak.
Oh you’re probably thinking why didn’t he use the C word in this piece, well it’s because I eventually want to amke money and there are some things in life that aren’t worth taking a stand for.